


Enough

by autisticaizawashouta



Series: Gender is Hard 'verse [17]
Category: Sanders Sides, Thomas Sanders
Genre: Bullying, Cuddling & Snuggling, Family, Gen, General worry about the future, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, One suicide mention, Platonic Cuddling, i can't get enough of these two i s2g, never chilling, the platonic moxiety feels are just
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-23
Updated: 2018-04-23
Packaged: 2019-04-26 17:58:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14407458
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/autisticaizawashouta/pseuds/autisticaizawashouta
Summary: Is he enough? Virgil thinks so, and maybe they're right.





	Enough

**Author's Note:**

> This is the GIHV, pronouns are as follows: Virgil, they/them; Patton, he/him

Some nights, Patton couldn't sleep. Energy seemed to hum through his veins, and his hands just needed to do something. Often, on those nights, he'd mindlessly crochet or knit while watching cartoons with the volume quiet. Some nights, Virgil joined him. Whether it was because they couldn't sleep either, or they just didn't want him to be alone.

It was not one of those nights. Patton was alone on the couch, knitting a scarf with rainbow thread while the first season of Danny Phantom was queued up on the TV. Virgil was most likely asleep in the bedroom, and hopefully all of their friends (at least in their timezone) were asleep too. Especially Logan and Roman, with all the chaos going on in their lives at the moment. They were teenagers and already needed a lot of sleep- lord knew they'd be needing more.

The sounds of teenage ghost shenanigans and the steady rhythm of the knitting helped keep Patton's mind quiet. His needles clacked quietly, hidden under the sound of the TV. The yarn was soft under his fingers. The world felt strangely, blessedly still.

Patton had a solid eight inches on his scarf when the door of the bedroom opened, and Virgil walked out, looking tired but still too alert to have been asleep. His brow furrowed as he looked at them.

"Have you slept yet?" he asked, setting their knitting aside.

Virgil shrugged. "I tried." They walked over, footfalls making next to no sound on the carpeting. The couch cushion sank as they sat down and leaned into Patton's side. "You?"

"My mind's just being busy," he replied.

Virgil peered up at him through their bangs. "Anything to talk about?"

Patton sighed, and thought about it for a few moments. Was it anything he could really put into words? Well, he could try. After all, it was better to get it all out than to keep it in and let it fester.

"I'm... worried. About a lot of things, I guess," he said.

The corner of Virgil's mouth tugged up into a humorless smile. "Hospital bills?"

"Well, that's only part of it," Patton replied. "We'll be able to pay them off. I'm also worried about Logan and Roman, and all their friends. I'm worried about a few of the kids in my class. I do my best to keep the bullying down, but it's hard when what I'm teaching isn't reinforced anywhere else."

"Worried about a few of the kids?" Virgil asked.

"Yeah," he said, reaching around their head to thread the fingers of his left hand through their left hand. Virgil moved them so their hands were resting on their chest. "There's a few I suspect have abusive home situations, but nothing I could ever prove. And there would be no way I could protect them from the fallout of an accusation."

Virgil took a measured breath. "Yeah. That sucks."

"And, y'know, I'm worried about the world they're going to be growing up into. How many more of them will be abused? How many of them will kill themselves, will be murdered, will be another casualty of this society?" Patton shook his head. "I'm sorry. I'm just... worried."

Virgil covered their connected hands with their right hand. "Sometimes it's just enough to have a safe place to be. If you can provide that for these kids..."

"I try," he replied. Virgil shifted so that they were sitting next to him, and his arm was around their shoulders. They leaned their head on his shoulder.

"You know you're enough, right," they said. "As you are, you are enough. You don't have to force yourself to try to be more than you can be just to do good in the world."

"But I'm not enough," Patton replied. "Not for those kids, not for this world."

"You are," Virgil insisted, shifting away so that they could raise their hand and gently nudge Patton's chin until he was looking at them. "You are good enough. You're good enough for me, at least."

Patton's smile was faint, but there. "Thanks, Virgil. You're good enough for me, too, y'know."

"Thanks," they replied, laying their head on his shoulder again. "We should probably get some sleep, huh?"

Patton glanced down at them, dressed in the old black band shirt and grey sweatpants they used for pajamas. He wasn't in his pajamas yet, still wearing the polo shirt and khakis he'd worn to work.

"Yeah, probably!" he agreed. Virgil stood and turned to face him, holding their hands out. He took them, and they helped haul him to his feet. He groaned as he stood. "I was sitting in one place for too long."

"Yeah," Virgil agreed, walking over to turn off the TV. Patton walked to the bedroom, stretching his arms above his head until his back popped, and grabbed his pajamas from the spot on the dresser where they lived during the day. He changed and brushed his teeth and then rejoined Virgil in the bedroom. They set their phone on the side table as he walked in. They both got under the blankets, him curling up on his side while they scooted over and laid an arm across him.

With Virgil's warm presence at his back, he had little trouble falling asleep and staying asleep. The co-sleeping was a mutual agreement. Not only did they both enjoy it, but it also had the added benefits of helping them sleep better. Patton fell asleep easier, and not only that but he stayed asleep, and Virgil actually slept. Not that they were incapable of sleeping on their own, but it generally didn't happen until they were almost incapable of staying awake any longer.

 

As Patton led his students in to his classroom from morning recess, he couldn't help the way his attention kept coming back to the handful of students he was most worried about. Emilee, Jonah, Talaina, Sean, and Preston: all five of them children that he was worried about for different yet similar reasons. Not that he couldn't be worried about other children, but those five? Those five were the most concerning.

"Good morning, Mr. Sanders!" Payton said, skipping in, her hair in two French braids, wearing a gauzy skirt and striped leggings, clutching her most recent book- _The Darkest Hour_ \- to her chest.

"Good morning, Payton!" he replied, grinning and waving at her. She was followed closely by her friend Marie, who was wearing a shirt with a cat on it and bright star-shaped clips on the ends of her cornrows. She waved at him, too, and he waved back.

The class started settling in as well as a class of ten- and eleven-year-olds could. Talaina was drawing quietly on a piece of paper. Emilee was trying to get into an argument with another student, and almost succeeded before Patton interfered. Sean was talking excitedly with a girl- today was one of his good days, then. Preston was talking quietly with Marie. That was good. That was progress. Jonah was acting in the most worrying manner- he was quiet, he wasn't moving even though it was obvious he wanted, needed to be moving, and he wasn't reading or drawing or doing any of the other things he liked to do.

Patton called his class into order and resolved to keep an eye on Jonah. He was a Thai boy adopted by a well-off white couple who had several other non-white, foreign-born children adopted for what, Patton suspected, where not the best of reasons. To add to that, he was diagnosed with Asperger's and, while the rest of the class was not aware of that, they could tell there was something _different_ about him. Some of the students- like Marie and Payton- took that in stride with as much grace as fifth-graders could muster. Others, well, to others different was bad and they treated him like that.

Patton did his best, he really did. But he couldn't be everywhere, especially not in a classroom of thirty-six students.

That afternoon, during recess when Patton had recess duty, several students including Emilee gathered near Talaina. Patton noticed them starting to close in on her, and he leaned closer to Lane, who was also on duty.

"I'm going to go see what's up," he said, and Lane nodded.

Patton got there just in time to hear Emilee snap out "No one even likes you!" and watch Talaina book it away from them, probably already crying, Patton couldn't quite tell.

"Emilee," he said, making sure to keep his anger out of his tone. "Why did you say that?"

"What?" she asked. "It's true."

"I'm not sure where you came to that conclusion," Patton said. "It's wrong and mean to tell someone that no one likes them. I'll be needing you to write why you thought it was okay to say that, and then explain why it was wrong to say that."

Emilee huffed, a pout on her lips. "I don't care!"

"Well, you should," Patton said, crouching down to be on her level. "How would you feel if someone told you that now one liked you?"

She shifted. "Well, it wouldn't be true. They'd be lying!"

"Like the way you lied to Talaina just now?" Patton asked, raising an eyebrow.

"That wasn't a lie! No one wants her to be around!" she protested.

"I like her, and I want her to be around," Patton replied. "That makes it a lie. It would still hurt if someone told you no one liked you."

"I guess..." Emilee said.

Lane had slowly made his way over, and he was now standing nearby.

"I'll keep an eye on them," he said. "You can go find her."

"Thanks," Patton said, standing up and flashing a smile in Lane's direction. He then headed off towards where he could see Talaina, crying under the maple tree.

"Hey," he said, sitting down next to her. She glanced up at him, wiping her eyes with her coat sleeve.

"Hi," she said.

"Emilee was wrong, and I hope you know that," Patton said.

"No she wasn't," she replied.

"She most definitely was," he said. "There are plenty of people who like you. Marie and Winter are your friends, right?"

"I guess..." she agreed.

"Well, people aren't friends with people they don't like," he said.

"They're probably just pretending," Talaina muttered, dragging her finger through the dirt. "You too, probably."

"I most definitely am not pretending," Patton protested.

"Well, what is there to like about me?" she asked. "I'm weird... and I like weather too much. And I use too many big words for the other kids."

"Not for Winter, and Marie, and Payton, and Jonah," Patton replied. "And there's plenty to like about you! You know so many cool things, and your drawings are great! And you're fun to talk to."

"I am?" she asked, looking up at him.

"You are! Tell you what, you think you like weather too much... My best friend likes conspiracy theories, and they know all the best legends and stories and myths this side of the Rockies. Another one of my friends loves astronomy and has so many cool facts about it, and another one loves theatre and can recite several plays by heart. They also know every song from Hamilton. It's good to have an interest that you love a lot!"

Talaina had slowly stopped crying, and she gave him a small smile. "I guess."

"Well, I suppose a guess is all I can ask for right now," Patton said, standing up and stretching. "Do you want to go find Marie and Payton and Winter and Jonah? I'm sure they'd be happy to play with you."

"Okay, Mr. Sanders," Talaina said, smiling at him.

Before they had to go out to the yard to wait for the buses, Talaina hugged him, and Virgil's words came back to him. He was good enough. And maybe...

...Maybe he was.

**Author's Note:**

> Your angst will come! Consider this slow-burn angst. See if you can catch the ways I'm trying to build up to it.  
> Anyways, I had wet tech for the play today and I'm exhausted. If you enjoyed, leave a kudos, and if you feel like it, please comment. I love hearing from and interacting with my readers!  
> There's an ask blog for this 'verse, @gender-is-hard-asks, so go send some asks pls. I'll keep it clear of spoilers for future installments, promise.  
> I also have a main blog, @bird-based-anarchy, come scream at me via ask if you want.  
> with love,  
> Kestrel Daniel  
> (they/them, he/him, zie/zir)


End file.
